Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
