Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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