If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
