puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
