I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
