i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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