god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my poor anus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
