so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
