This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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