The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
