Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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