I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We are all done wearing pants today
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
