Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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  (716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise. http://tfl.nu/ygq6
  Replies (14) Good night (4569) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...

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  (306): I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face... http://tfl.nu/9kl8
  Replies (9) Good night (1668) Bad night (4746)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic

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  (952): I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/w8wo
  Replies (18) Good night (5513) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i just sold back the books i vomitted on

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  (856): i just sold back the books i vomitted on http://tfl.nu/74a4
  Replies (12) Good night (4236) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

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  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (8432) Bad night (1663)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4712) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs

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  (904): I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs http://tfl.nu/az3o
  Replies (9) Good night (1471) Bad night (3454)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

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  (609): I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from. http://tfl.nu/yx57
  Replies (11) Good night (2784) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.

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  (605): This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired. http://tfl.nu/sykd
  Replies (1) Good night (2493) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.

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  (270): True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor. http://tfl.nu/bso0
  Replies (11) Good night (2117) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He sprained his penis one time

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis

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  (603): He sprained his penis one time (603): He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis http://tfl.nu/1fye
  Replies (21) Good night (621) Bad night (2246)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though

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  (858): I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though http://tfl.nu/pek1
  Replies (2) Good night (1510) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.

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  (810): I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point. http://tfl.nu/wk8l
  Replies (1) Good night (1195) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.

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  (850): Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts. http://tfl.nu/2gw3
  Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."

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  (425): I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those." http://tfl.nu/wwy7
  Replies (1) Good night (984) Bad night (259)

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