FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.