How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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