Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol