i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You made out with two different species that night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night