I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.