1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
