i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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