the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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