I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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