You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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