i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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