I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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