I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
