Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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