you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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