The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
