honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
