Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
