Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
