I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
