tell your sister to shave her snatch
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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