She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
