fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cannot find my penis.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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