Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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