I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I touched a dick in church today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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