just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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