Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
