Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Floor bacon is actually really good
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
