I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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