I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
