dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
