so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
