I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
