so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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