Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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