youre lurking in front of me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
