He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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