The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
