i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
