onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
