i jhust puked up my retainher.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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