At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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