whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
