You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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