i think my tv is drunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
