Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
