Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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