What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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