4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
