Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
