Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm always down for nudity.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize