all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I could fuck to npr.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
