Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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