Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
