Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
