Yo dont text me then not text me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
