So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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