I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
