i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
