I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
