This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
