I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
