can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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