Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
