We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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