Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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