Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
